On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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