How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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