i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
