I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
