you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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