Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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