This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
