Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize