wrigley field is MILF paradise
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
