What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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