he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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