I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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