Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
