he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
