my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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