He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
