i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
