I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
