Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize