dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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