My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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