I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
