You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
