You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
