Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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