I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
