I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
