one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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