I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
