even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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