I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We have started to decorate penises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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