awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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