I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
