I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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