you inspire me to be a worse person
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
