you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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