i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So much rum. So many feels.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
