Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently you make a good broom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
