I'm going to jail i love you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
