The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
