the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
