I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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