You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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