If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
