so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
