Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
