So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
