TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
