Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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