You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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