If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
