how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
