hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
