You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
