I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We left the knife in your bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
