Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
