I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
