God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
