Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
