Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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