I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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