the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
