areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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