What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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