They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
