This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
