dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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