Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
