FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize