you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
