Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
