He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
