I just pynch a tree in the face
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
