I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
