At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
