This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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