I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
