Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
