it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
