Will you blow on my dice?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
