Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
