there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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