He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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