Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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