3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
