I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
