Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
