This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
