this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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