soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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