She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize