Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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