she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
