did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
