I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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