woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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