Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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