she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
