I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
