Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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