We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
